Living in the Heartland

Spring is in the air

2011-03-23T11:58:00.000-07:00

Don't you just love the smell of the earth as it warms?

The loamy scent, stimulated by Spring rains, heated by the sun,
release delicate molecules that tickle the senses.

Flowers such as pansies, crocuses, daffodils and such release
their bouquets through breezes to float gossamer like in the air.

Detritus of last fall's leaves, decay and release odors, reminiscent
of years gone by, walking the shortcut through heavy woods.

And as rains fall yet again, hitting warm pavement, cleansing
streets of winter's sand, rushing rushing down culverts to the Kaw.

Spring's scents burn eternal year after year. Oh I love it so.

Happy Valentines day

2010-02-14T18:29:00.000-08:00

Today is cool and blustery, and it feels like my love of life feels. Full of clarity, focus and sense of purpose.

What is love? When I went out to get the paper this morning, I saw a woman walking two happy, eager dogs. They sniffed and rushed, their eyes glittering with excitement as their pack progressed through the mysterious world. They brought ideas and instincts to their life together that were utterly different from hers, but their feelings for her, and hers for them, were the same. I have a friend who has a dog. They have been together for many years, and even though they are entirely different creatures, she (the dog) displays feelings, jealousies and joys that are familiar between any two lovers.

A friend of mine often says that all we take with us when we go is our love, that everything else slips away and is forgotten. I think that love is the same among all creatures, that it is the hidden essence of reality itself, and that everything that does not contain it is a sort of illusion. Love is reality.

Something like that inspires great love, because you know that you must find her needs just as she will certainly find yours. Otherwise, her love would be alone, and love like that must not be alone, it deserves the best you can bring and, believe me, you want to bring it.

This is such a mysterious journey we are taking. What is love? What is loss? Certainly, it is part of love, part of the lavish richness of being that God has granted us.

I like to let my gratitude float free, to let it belong to all of life and all the world. And when I do that, I realize something. I am still falling in love. I will always be what I was at the first moment I laid eyes on my first pet, my first love,my only son, a person just beginning, his heart full of the wonder of the mystery.

Now I bring to mind those who gave me their love and accepted mine and have gone on, and those around me who are just beginning, the children in my life. I invoke my gratitude for those who put up with me and give their time and thought to the mysteries we are all struggling with together.

Happy Valentine's Day, my friends.

Happiness is a Journey

2010-02-07T21:38:00.000-08:00

I was running up the trail feverishly determined. I had to get to the top of the mountain. I was slapped time and again in the face by branches trying to waylay me, slow me down but I pressed on. It was there at the top, I knew it was. The pine scented trail did not distract me, the cold rushing stream was forded effortlessly, it was at the top and I needed it and I wouldn't be distracted. I got to the top, breathless, panicked, in total fear of having lost what I was looking for. All that was there was an old man laughing at me and telling me to go back and walk this time. (A recent dream)

Getting that first car, first big job, first girlfriend, first child, first, first, first. It all has been fun but I get more and more that the fun is in what it takes to get there and not the getting. When my focus lies outside of the journey and is targeted on the acquisition of something, then the journey is diminished or more accurately put, obscured. The journey is still full of lessons, joy, pain, and teachings but with the eye on the prize its importance becomes secondary.

I really believe that all around us, every single day, the journey is teaching us and we are adding to the teaching of others. That teaching is happiness, it is love and sometimes pain. I can think back on all the moments of my life I was centered in the journey and that is when I was happiest, that is when I knew I was on the path to growth. When you are centered in the moment of the journey, squeezing out all the wonder it imparts, then life becomes crystal clear.

Life isn't full of obstacles blocking the way to the real thing. The obstacles are your life and part of your journey and something that should be embraced and considered. Like the branches in my dream they are often telling you to slow down and look around you, take in all that this life is teaching you.

The journeys in life that have moved me the most, touched me, made me grow, have always been with people. A deep conversation, a warmly held hand, an obstacle surmounted with a friends help, even a simple smile from a stranger, have all changed me deeply as a person. Thanks for being a part of each others journey. May our paths cross often.

25 things about me

2009-02-06T11:45:00.000-08:00

I recently filled out the 25 Things about me meme on Facebook. Here's what I came up with.

1. An older friend of mine got me my first fake ID. It was an ID for an Art College in Boston. I looked like I was 14 on the ID but a liquor store a couple towns over didn't care. I was 16, I thought I was a stud.

2. I got carded on a first date. Problem was I was 25 and we were going in to an R rated movie. The movie was 9 1/2 weeks. I didn't get a second date. I definitely wasn't a stud.

3. The best thing that has ever happened to me is being blessed to be in life with my incredible son Eli

4. I went to Michael Jordan’s house in Chicago and was part of a crew interviewing him for a recruiting video. He was awesome and let us stay awhile afterward and talk/tour his house.

5. I absolutely love to cook but sometimes a can of cold spaghettios will do.

6. I once almost drowned in the ocean as a kid and was saved by a woman I didn’t really know.

7. I lost my nerve to play trumpet when I failed a tryout for Jazz Band in High School. The song still reverberates in my head sometimes. It was Stevie Wonder’s My Cheri Amore.

8. I rode the perfect wave on a boogie board, in the fog off of Nauset beach on Cape Cod. The distance I rode was close to 100 yards. What was inspiring about it was the visibility was about 50ft in the fog and I glided through the fog on this awesome wave and suddenly the shore appears with my vacationing family and friends unaware of what just happened.

9. I secretly love when technology goes awry because I love the challenge of making things right again.

10. I have a few select friends who I allow to call me Neilsy.

11. The first concert I went to was Linda Ronstadt. I had a vanload of friends whom I almost killed on the way home.

12. Bob Hope once gave me a wink and a finger point.

13. I used to make money during college as a magician. I was giving this one show to a group of 8 year old kids and my grand finale illusion messed up and I said shit. I chose to never do a paid gig again, I felt so bad. However, I’ll show you a few tricks if you give me a beer or two.

14. I love to camp and sleep under the stars by a fire in cold weather.

15. One of my favorite shows that I produced was about a missile silo that had been converted into a home. It cost $20 million to build in the early 60s but was purchased in the late 80s for $45,000. It was only in operation for 2 years. That's the government for ya!

16. I accepted an award on C-span once and had the temerity to use proliferation in my speech.

17. I think I love working on my Son’s Pinewood Derby car more than he does. I’m still a kid at heart.

18. If I had to choose a career all over again I’d be a Meteorologist.

19. I am outwardly in love with my IPhone

20. I have traveled out of body many times. I do not fear death because of this.

21. I believe life is just a game we play to confront the things we are unwilling to look at.

22. I’ve never been more at peace in this lifetime than when I’m sailing in a stiff breeze.

23. I’m a really good listener. People tell me they like me for this.

24. I am a fan of all things Google but secretly fear they have inched ahead of Microsoft, vying for the position of Global Digital Overlord.

25. I used to produce the University of Kansas Football / Basketball shows. I went to virtually every game from 1982 to 1990. I’d rather watch it at home now in HD.

An old soul in a new body

2008-10-28T19:10:00.001-07:00

Sometimes life just happens and we're not ready for the downpour
Sometimes pain rises up from the depths of the soul, discharging lives of agony.
When the glass shatters and hits the floor best watch for the shards cause they're many.

Cause this soul is an old soul, this soul is an old soul in a new body. But this body feels old
sometimes cause it's carrying many loads.

Taking on the pain, taking on the challenge, cause I didn't listen to you soul, I didn't listen yet again. To learn the same thing over and over, to fail over and over, to need the slap over and over till I get what you want to tell me.

Cause this soul is an old soul, this soul is an old soul in a new body. But this body feels old
sometimes cause it's carrying many loads.

There is no fear, there is no darkness, life happens and love just is. Embrace the fear, open hearts to the setting sun, the moonlit sky, the eyes that shine, the smile that beckons.

I love, I'm loved. I heard you this time soul. :)

The spiritual Divorce

2008-07-13T20:44:00.000-07:00

giggle giggle, the following is genius I just happened upon it.

The Seven Spiritual Laws of Divorce
It is important to know that the breakdown of your relationship is for a greater purpose. Understanding some of the basic spiritual laws of the Universe will help you to discover that there is a reason you're going through this pain. These laws will guide you through the process of healing and bring you back to a place deep inside that is filled with wisdom, knowledge, and compassion for the human experience.

1) The Law of Acceptance: The first and possibly the most important spiritual law is that everything is as it should be. Nothing occurs by accident, and there are no coincidences. We are always evolving, whether we are aware of it or not. And our lives are divinely designed for each one of us to get exactly what we need to support our own unique evolutionary process.

2) The Law of Surrender: When we stop resisting and surrender to the situation exactly as it is, things begin to change. Resistance is the number one culprit in denying us our right to heal. We resist out of fear that if we let go, if we surrender, our lives will go out of control or we will be faced with circumstances that we can't handle. When we are willing to look at our situation and admit that we don't know how to fix it, we are ready to get the help we need.

3) The Law of Divine Guidance: God will do for you what you cannot do for yourself. When you get out of your own way and let go of your defenses, you become humble. Humility is the doorway through which the Divine can walk into your life. Without humility, we believe we can do it ourselves. Without humility, our false sense of pride, or ego, prohibits us from seeing the entire situation with clear eyes. Our egos remain in charge until we step outside our righteous belief that we are independent and separate beings. As long as this myth is intact, we keep the door closed to our higher wisdom.

4) The Law of Responsibility: With divine guidance, we can look at exactly how we participated in and co-created our divorce drama. We can begin to take responsibility for our entire situation and make peace with our past. We can see how we have chosen the perfect partner to teach us the perfect lessons. Once we have asked God to come into our lives and guide us, we begin to heal.

5) The Law of Choice: Having taken responsibility, we can choose new interpretations that empower us. We become responsible for and the designer of our own new reality. We can separate from our partner and cut the karmic cords by taking back the aspects of ourselves that we've projected onto our mate. We can distinguish what our self-defeating behaviors have been and learn how to act instead of react in difficult situations.

6) The Law of Forgiveness: After we have cut the karmic cord, we will be able to ask God to forgive us. Asking for forgiveness allows us to let go of our judgments and beliefs about what is right and what is wrong and find compassion for our entire self. Compassion unfolds when we are in the presence of the perfection of the Universe, when we can experience ourselves in another. It comes with the great understanding of the difficulties and ambiguity of being a human being. Compassion is God's grace for those who ask. Once we have received compassion for ourselves, we will be able to find compassion and forgiveness for our mate.

7) The Law of Creation: Experiencing the freedom of forgiveness opens up the gates to new realities. Forgiveness breaks all the cords that keep us tied to the past. It allows us to experience an innocent heart filled with love and excitement for life. This is the time to create a new future, one grounded in your divine truth.

Free will enables us to choose the direction in which we will take our lives. To choose a spiritual divorce is to choose to use your divorce to heal yourself. You can choose to work hard and heal yourself on the deepest level, or you can choose to be a victim of life and other people's problems. In other words, you can choose to use your divorce, or you can let your divorce use you. Until you seek to find and embrace the gift of any situation or problem, it continues to use you. It holds you prisoner, and you carry it around as an open wound wherever you go.

LOVE IT!!!

Reprinted from “Spiritual Divorce: Divorce as a Catalyst for an Extraordinary Life” (Harper San Francisco, 2001)

Divine intervention

2008-07-13T20:23:00.000-07:00

A big lesson learned today.

"Divine detachment is when the lower self steps away from the drama it has created and allows the higher self to observe and comment upon it, clearly and without emotion; honestly and without hesitation; completely and without reservation"

"You will know when this process is working for you because there will be no negativity, no judgment, no anger, no shame, no guilt, no fear, no recrimination or sense of being made wrong-just a simple statement of what is SO. And that statement may be very illuminating"

Wow,

Those quotes came from Neale Donald Walsh in Conversations with God. Today the portal to my higher self is once again thrown wide. Inspiration comes from everything when you are open to receiving it. Today at the incredible church I attend the message in meditation, in music and in the "sermon" spoke deeply to me. My interpretation of it was to embrace the unknown and trust in God.

I know this deeply, but the wounds I created on my heart cut deeply and had me wallow in self pity and anger. She is easily to blame for stepping outside our bond of trust but so am I for creating the conditions to foment the actions. Neither of us is right. There really, in the big picture, is no right and wrong in such a situation. It's all an opportunity for the growth of the soul. I've been operating from the Id, my base human response.

Today because of sparks of divine inspiration in human form I could see and feel and touch my humanity, accept it and reembrace my divine self. Thank you all that is, thanks to all you angels on earth. Love ya all :)

Neil

Life

2008-05-10T14:57:00.000-07:00

It's easy to feel you are alone. You are not. You are part of bigger things.

So lost and cutoff alone, you are not. The only thing that makes the eventual emptiness of life bearable is each other. Reach out and touch someone. Take small moves and big things happen.

Todays news

2007-08-22T22:12:00.000-07:00

What is it about my industry, television, that has to pander and gravitate to the lowest common denominator in our society? We have crap on tv, crap on the radio, crap in the paper. What has me worked up is the fear, the pain, the envy, the jealousy that the media seeks to instill in the viewer

Why can't we bring about change through reporting the truth. Why can't we have shows that lift up all that it is to be human. Why can't we do more to lend a hand to one another. I was in a place of disgust until I read a couple random bloggers whose writing made a difference and lifted me up. Go out and lift someone up today. I'll join you. . . . .

Gel Wristbands make a difference

2007-06-23T05:21:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

I've been wearing that rubber wristband. You know . . you've seen various shades of the rainbow on peoples wrists. Some yellow, some blue, some pink and the one I wear is purple. They're meant to support or keep you mindful of different things.

The pink wristband is made by the Breast Cancer Society.

They provide information, care and advice to anyone in the US who is affected by breast cancer. They help more than one million people every year.

The pink band has the words 'support, knowledge, strength' written on it, which reflects what the charity is about.

The yellow Livestrong wristband was set up by American cyclist Lance Armstrong to increase awareness of cancer.

The cyclist was diagnosed with testicular cancer that had spread to his lungs and brain when he was 25.

After chemotherapy he went on to win the 1999 Tour de France and has won it six years in a row.

Profits from the sales of the yellow bands go to the Lance Armstrong Foundation that helps young people with cancer and their families cope with the illness.

The white band comes in a variety of different rubber and fabric designs and is about bringing an end to world poverty.

The band's message says 'Make Poverty History' and the idea is that by wearing a white band, either round your wrist, arm or as a shoelace, you're supporting the campaign.

The bands can be bought from various charities, but they also suggest people make their own, as it is more about encouraging rich governments to drop the debt poor countries owe them, rather than raising money.

There are many others but the one that I've been wearing is purple.

The basic idea is to go 21 days without complaining. It takes 21 days to create new neuro-pathways in our brain and through holding back gossip, sarcasm, and criticism it is possible to shift our outlook onto only the positive. When you catch yourself doing any of the above you are to shift your wristband to the other wrist and start over on your walk to 21 days.

The longest I've gone is 3 days. I'm definitely becoming a lot more mindful and less reactionary.This movement began with a front page article that ran in the Kansas City Star and was then published in newspapers all over the nation. Participants in the "Complaint-Free" movement wear purple bracelets that say spirit. Rev. Will Bowen, the leading proponent of the "Complaint-Free" Movement has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show in 2007. Over 2 million purple bracelets have been distributed to people so inspired by this idea.

If you're interested in finding more go to the link below.

Unity church

Enjoy the journey

I've never seen a better Dad

2006-11-08T10:16:00.000-08:00

If you're able to watch videos on your computer you NEED to see the one below. It brought me to tears at the immense love a parent can have for a child. I pray I'm half the Father this man below is for his son.

[From Sports Illustrated, By Rick Reilly]

I try to be a good father. Give my kids mulligans. Work nights to pay For their text messaging. Take them to swimsuit shoots.

But compared with Dick Hoyt, I suck.

Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in Marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a Wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and Pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars--all in the same day.

Dick's also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back Mountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S. On a bike. Makes Taking your son bowling look a little lame, right?

And what has Rick done for his father? Not much--except save his life.
This love story began in Winchester , Mass. , 43 years ago, when Rick Was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him Brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs.

"He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life;'' Dick says doctors told him And his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. ``Put him in an Institution.''

But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes Followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the Engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was Anything to help the boy communicate. ``No way,'' Dick says he was told. ``There's nothing going on in his brain.''

"Tell him a joke,'' Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a Lot was going on in his brain. Rigged up with a computer that allowed Him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his Head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? ``Go Bruins!'' And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the School organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, ``Dad, I want To do that.''

Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described ``porker'' who never ran More than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he Tried. ``Then it was me who was handicapped,'' Dick says. ``I was sore For two weeks.''

That day changed Rick's life. ``Dad,'' he typed, ``when we were running, It felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!''

And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such hard-belly Shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon.

``No way,'' Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't quite a Single runner, and they weren't quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few Years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway, then They found a way to get into the race Officially: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the Qualifying time for Boston the following year.

Then somebody said, ``Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?''

How's a guy who never learned to swim and hadn't ridden a bike since he Was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon? Still, Dick Tried.

Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii . It must be a buzzkill to be a 25-year-old stud Getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don't you Think?

Hey, Dick, why not see how you'd do on your own? ``No way,'' he says. Dick does it purely for ``the awesome feeling'' he gets seeing Rick with A cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together.

This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. Their best Time? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992--only 35 minutes off the world Record, which, in case you don't keep track of these things, happens to Be held by a guy who was not pushing another man in a wheelchair at the Time.

``No question about it,'' Rick types. ``My dad is the Father of the Century.''

And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he had a Mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries Was 95% clogged. ``If you hadn't been in such great shape,'' One doctor told him, ``you probably would've died 15 years ago.'' So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other's life.

Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass. , always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend, including this Father's Day.

That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy.

``The thing I'd most like,'' Rick types, ``is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once.''

And the video is below...

Rain memories

2006-10-21T07:29:00.000-07:00

Rain travels time
bringing memories of bus stops
staring in bored fascination as trails slide down panes

bundled papers in the rain
clapboardtree street taken one step at a time
the poignant smell of wet paper pulls me through the portal

walking the streets to the steady drum on my slicker
each step an affirmation of worth, dedication and money
the paper thrown, slides along gravel resting til coffee scents envelope

waiting patiently as the surface swirls and recedes, the cane woven seat
pressing in to my flesh as I cast again,
rain often chases the bites but sometimes encourages,
my Dad teaches patience and I cast again

laying on my back the must of canvas around me, Greenfield, wet pine
trails taken by bike, both wet and dry, it matters not
two weeks one Summer, of bliss, abandon, no worries just life

the rain reminds, releases the scents which release the memories

I love the rain

Choosing Inner Peace

2006-09-26T04:47:00.000-07:00

I was maniacally driving down the road when it struck me. . . There is no meaning of life, there is no place to get to, you are just where you are and where you are is perfect.

These thoughts hit me in the beginning of a crazy day.

It had started with my lovely wife choosing to let me sleep in, but on a day when I could ill afford the extra winks. She had gone on to work and I was rising up from deep dreams to the oh so familiar, "Mom, Dad, is it morning-time?" I glanced at the clock and it was 7:40. Sh#*, I was running late, I had to get my son dressed, fed, to school and me to work, in time to be at a video shoot by 9am. This is not good.

I frantically jumped out of bed running to my son Eli's room, tripping over his container of hot wheels and like a whirling dervish flew around his room grabbing underwear, pants, t-shirts, socks, and his oh so important Converse Hi-tops. My patience was at an all-time low and the looming deadline was driving me, making me short-tempered.

"Dad, these socks feel funny, I'm hungry, I want the Spiderman shirt."

Coming rapid fire his protests and assertions thwarted my every effort to make him go faster.

Isn't it funny our cute little bundles of love, our angels who could do no wrong, know exactly when we need them to pick up the pace, and at these times they occur to us as purposefully thwarting our every move?

I try to be a good person, to elevate my emotions and take the higher path yet I judge, evaluate, denigrate, instigate, and spend a lot of time not being who I say I am. I say I am a spiritual, considerate human being, but I catch myself cussing at people who seemingly cut me off. I lose my temper just because my son dare have an opinion on what t-shirt he wants to wear. I have no patience.

However, today I caught myself and shifted the mood to one of understanding. I allowed myself to let go, be late, lose my agenda and just go with the flow. When someone cut me off and I had to hit the brakes I just waved them onward understanding, knowing that that is what was supposed to be. Why allow it to alter my body chemistry, filling me with adrenaline as I yell or cuss inwardly.

As we drove toward school my son in the backseat, staring intently out the window at passing interests, looked so smart, so old, no longer the little baby I rocked and dipped only 4 years ago. He caught me looking at him in the rearview mirror and flashed me a warm smile. I smiled back and then said, "Buddy, I'm sorry I was so grumpy and impatient with you this morning." He looked straight at me and replied, "That's ok Dad, I wasn't being very good either." "Let's make a deal," I said, "If either of us is grumpy in the morning again, let's remind each other that there is no hurry and there's really nowhere to get to." He kind of looked at me with the kind of look only a 5 year old can produce. A little puzzled but all-knowing at the same time. "OK Dad, let's do that." Another round of warm smiles and on with our trip to school.

Today is the moment, the moment to appreciate, the moment to act. So give up the agenda, smile and realize that our place on earth is one to show love, patience and understanding but most of all love.

Finding Peace of Mind

2006-09-02T14:08:00.000-07:00

THE PARABLE OF THE ROPE

We are like a person holding on to a piece of rope.

He holds on for dear life, knowing that if he were to let go he would fall to his death. His parents, his teachers, and many others have told him this is so; and when he looks around he can see everyone else doing the same.

Nothing would induce him to let go.

Along comes a wise person. She knows that holding on is unnecessary, that the security it offers is illusory, and only holds you where you are. So she looks for a way to dispel his illusions and help him to be free.

She talks of real security, of deeper joy, of true happiness, of peace of mind. She tells him that he can taste this if he will just release one fi
nger from the rope.

"One finger," thinks the man; "that"s not too much to risk for a taste of bliss." So he agrees to take this first initiation.

And he does taste greater joy, happiness, and peace of mind.

But not enough to bring lasting fulfillment.

"Even greater joy, happiness and peace can be yours," she tells him, "if you will just release a second finger."

"This," he tells himself, "is going to be more difficult. Can I do it? Will it be safe? Do I have the courage?" He hesitates, then, flexing his finger, feels how it would be to let go a little more . . . and takes the risk.

He is relieved to find he does not fall; instead he discovers greater happiness and inner peace.

But could more be possible?

"Trust me," she says. "Have I failed you so far? I know your fears, I know what your mind is telling you -- that this is crazy, that it goes against everything you have ever learnt -- but please, trust me. Look at me, am I not free? I promise you will be safe, and you will know even greater happiness and contentment."

"Do I really want happiness and inner peace so much," he wonders, "that I am prepared to risk all that I hold dear? In principle, yes; but can I be sure that I will be safe, that I will not fall?" With a little coaxing he begins to look at his fears, to consider their basis, and to explore what it is he really wants. Slowly he feels his fingers soften and relax. He knows he can do it. And he knows he must do it. It is only a matter of time until he releases his grip.

And as he does an even greater sense of peace flows through him.

He is now hanging by one finger. Reason tells him he should have fallen a finger or two ago, but he hasn"t. "Is there something wrong with holding on itself?" he asks himself. "Have I been wrong all the time?"

"This one is up to you," she says. "I can help you no further. Just remember that all your fears are groundless."

Trusting his quiet inner voice, he gradually releases the last finger.

And nothing happens.

He stays exactly where he is.

Then he realizes why. He has been standing on the ground all along.

And as he looks at the ground, knowing he need never hold on again, he finds true peace of mind.

Breathe and Live

2006-08-26T16:14:00.000-07:00

Look at the sky and see your future
Look at the ground and see the everpresent now
Look to the water and see the peace that shall envelope you

What is your focus today, right now, this very breath?
Take that breath and let it out, let your body drive you forward
to now.

And now what have you decided to do. Take that breath, feel it course
your veins, fill your brain with life giving energy, a vehicle for your
very soul.

Your soul.
Your soul residing in that gift of life. A chance to narrow the
incredible, broad swath of vision. An opportunity to ride the wave of life
through the narrows. The narrows, the rapids, the challenge of working on
what you don't want to work on.

The funny thing is it isn't really work, it's just letting go.

Let go, breathe, think, create and act.

What do You live for?

2006-08-22T17:14:00.000-07:00

I sat outside my sons school waiting to pick him up. It gave me time to wonder on just what I live for. What do I do in life that will add to the legacy of humankind?

It's simple . . .

It's a smile at anyone who looks up.

It's a pat on the back to a friend or coworker.

My twice weekly 3am walks to my son's bedroom to assure him all is right with the world.

It's a sincere thanks to the kind folks at the drive-through who handle my order.

It's a quarter in the toy machine as we exit the grocery store.

It's a backrub for my love even when I want to sleep.

I will never be president, I most likely won't personally instigate peace in the middle east. However I can create a ripple that will rise like a tsunami and touch people all over the world. I will and I do, each day make a difference in the lives of the people I touch. You do the same. Let's make waves together.

My son's 1st day at Kindergarten

2006-08-18T10:32:00.000-07:00

The day comes and off he goes. Though he's been in preschool for 2 1/2 years he's a mix of excitement and apprehension. Clinging alternately to Dad's leg, then Mom's, he lets go and joins a new classmate to build with legos. Moments earlier wiping his eyes to hide the tears, he gives nary a glance and jumps in to life. I love my Son!

Mainstream is questioning 9/11

2006-08-11T11:25:00.000-07:00

Lou Dobbs Wakes Up to 9/11 Lies

See how the mainstream is beginning to question the story of 911. This is very surprising to me.
The fact that this kind of information is rising to the surface makes me wonder what lies below the murky waters.

Cost of War in Iraq - Thanks George and Company!

2006-08-07T18:03:00.000-07:00

Death,
Hatred,
Worldwide Animosity,
Trauma,
Anger,
Sadness,
Pain,
Injury,
Least of All, A lot of Money

Here and Now

2006-08-03T07:58:00.000-07:00

No matter what happens it'll all be fine. Everything that has happened to you up to this point in your life is exactly what is supposed to have happened.

The here and now is the destination in which you are meant to be. You move through this world, eating, sleeping, working and playing doing the same thing day in and day out. It's perfect. You are perfect. It couldn't get any better.

Life is a great orchestration. An orchestration specifically for you, with your story playing full out. You, along with billions of others each have the privilige of experiencing the perfect life for what you came upon this planet to learn.

Life has led you to the inevitable meeting of Here and Now. It's in this Here and Now that you have the power of choice, creation, communication and action. Grab hold of the power of the Here and Now and move the world . . . .

The time is Now.

Getting ready for changes

2006-06-05T02:51:00.000-07:00

What is going on in this world? I'm driving to work this morning and punch the buttons on my radio and keep getting violence, depression, depraved disc jockeys and more . . . Where's the love?Don't get me wrong, I know there's violence in the world, that people starve and die, that we kill one another over the smallest of offenses or desires, but do we have to? Think about it. What is the answer? I don't have THE ANSWER. A lot of people are looking for someone to tell them it's ok and everything will get better. I'm here to say bullshit. It won't get better unless things take a drastic turn. And by things I mean the way you and I treat each other. Because unless I start altering the way I deal with stress and adversity it isn't going to happen.

The environment is tanking, global warming is revving up the energy in the atmosphere, the U.S dollar is soon to no longer be a standard of trade for oil, gold is rising, Greenspan is done with his high wire act of financial wizadry and the amount needed for gassing up the family Astro van is $51 dollars!! People are feeling the crunch, countries are feeling the crunch and our emotions are starting to percolate. That translates into more global conflict, more senseless murder, more hunger, more suffering, even to flipping the bird in traffic. It's possible that it will get worse. What are you going to do today? Maybe when you go to lunch you can walk a block or two instead of driving. Feel the sun on your face, the breeze through your hair. To merely exitst isn't enough. Make a small change for the better for your world, your neighbor, your environment.

Where to go from here

2006-01-08T20:57:00.000-08:00

Today was a day that was coming for awhile but it still hurts. We had to put our cat Stevie to sleep today. Her body wasn't working anymore, she was fifteen, tired and was really ready to let go. She fought and stayed with us for an extra couple weeks. She bonded even more with our Son Eli, sleeping in his bed, laying in his lap. She said goodbye to each of us in her own special way. I wouldn't trade the last couple weeks with her for anything. I feel as if this was a signpost for the day. I feel so unsettled, like something huge is happening, or soon to happen and I'm not privy to it.

My life is flying by and I feel a passenger on the rockettrain, staring out the window as houses pass and junkyards and children in diapers and lovers in tight embrace on city brownstones. I watch and wait, afraid to act, afraid my motion of words will be lacking. Better to sit and nod, to listen, to get what is said. I work oh so hard to please but it's not enough. I wonder, am I not enough . . . I think I am enough and that unrealistic expectations get in the way in moments of life change.

To enter in to the world of mystery, the world of growth, the realm of the unknown you need to dwell in the discomfort of life. You need pain and you need suffering or you are not playing the game big enough. If life is always cozy and there is no fear, no bliss, no shame, no adulation you are just playing it safe. Life is too too precious to play it safe. Get in to the rough waters, climb that mountain, get on the court of life and play the game.

The game is up to you. Do you like the game you've been playing? If not change the game, make up new rules and win. All life is, is a fulfillment machine. Have it fulfill your dreams.

My Dad

2005-10-24T17:17:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about my Dad a lot lately. He died not to long ago and I've been feeling his presence . . . and the loss. You see, George Arthur Rasmussen was an incredible human being. His smile, laughter and spark could light up a room at any party or gathering. He would take a room by stealth. Not in a sneaky way but in order to not barge in or take over. He'd sidle up to his friends and engage them in a conversation about the correct way to approach wary trout, or the strategy in racing sailboats and then the conversation would turn to current events or his love of the written/spoken word. By the end of the night he would be belting out a rendition of "Everything's Up to Date in Kansas City" with a merry Balantine Ale induced glint in his eye. He lit up the room.

He also lit up my heart, with love, respect and admiration. Don't get me wrong, My Dad was no saint! He could cuss with the best of them. I remember numerous times, lying on the ground under our '69 tan Volkswagen bus helping him with one of a number of repairs and hearing him cuss as he banged his knuckles when a reluctant bolt suddenly gave way under the strain of a sweat covered wrench. I learned some of my best material back then. Material I wouldn't dare to use until much later in life. There are so many trips, so many kind words, so many lessons, so many memories

Some of my favorite memories of my Dad are the time we spent in nature. My heart still yearns for those times. Canoe Trips on the Saco River in Maine where Mark , Dad and I crossed Lovell pond in high winds with Dan and Chip Stockford. Tipping over during a cold Fall trip in Walkers Rip. Camping in Greenfield New Hampshire where, while fishing, I managed to hook my eyebrow. Dad paddled determinedly across the lake, carried me uphill to the car and then the hospital. However I think my favorite times with Dad were spent Sailing in Boston Harbor.

I learned to trust myself when sailing like I never had before; harnessing the winds and learning new skills. My Dad taught me and then gave me the freedom to read charts and plot our course, trusting me to find safe passage through Boston Harbors treachorous rocks and currents. Often the middle of our journey would be George's Island. It was the site of a fort that had spread out over 30 acres. When we got there Mark and I would row our dinghy to shore and explore the secret ruins from the early 1800's. I can still smell the wet dank air amidst the cool dripping stones as we explored the cavernous tunnels under the gun emplacements. Hours later, Mark and I would row back to Dad who often stayed aboard the boat to record the sounds of gulls and buoys and his explorers as they returned with stories to tell.

I can still feel the wind in my hair and just being . . . just being with Dad as we tacked in a stiff breeze back and forth across the channel. Sometimes, when there was a fair wind, we'd sail out to the outer Brewster islands far out in the harbor's entrance to circle the Boston Harbor Lighthouse. Then, we'd return 'round Peddock's island on the home stretch for our mooring. He with his pipe belching the sweet scent of Amphora Brown, Mark soaking the sun and I with my hand on the tiller searching the foaming green sea for any tell of what lay below. Yet I think I was secretly searching for, out the side of my eye, was Dad's nod of approval as sails were trimmed and waves were quartered . . . He was quick to nod. We would smile at the sweet touch of the wind on our faces and revel in the silence of being . . . being with the wind, being with the boat, being with each other.

Lawrence Journal World Obituary
Elon College Obit

Happiness is a Journey

2005-07-05T01:21:00.000-07:00

Turn the other cheek

2005-06-19T12:08:00.000-07:00

Recently I have been challenged by anger, pride and the desire for revenge. I imagined all the ways I could get revenge. All the favors, friends and lawyers that I know who could come thunderously smashing down. If I put the wheels in motion it would happen. But could I live with myself? Granted it seemed ill will was directed our way but . . .

It is so hard to turn the other cheek. You know, when someone does something that hurts you, that makes you angry, that makes you question motives or intent. It goes against every primordial cell in our being. In todays society it's seen as supine cowardice. Rolling over and exposing the underbelly. I see it as opening up to Gods will, to trusting in God. Turning the other cheek is forgiveness; A knowing of sorts that you are being given a lesson by God and justwhat am I going to do with that lesson?

To turn the other cheek is to trust in God. To turn the other cheek is to go beyond what is expected. The other person expects us to retaliate but instead we wish the other person well. We strive to act like "chips off the old block" -- like our father in heaven. He forgives and provides out of his goodness and so must we. He has mercy and wishes well and so should we. As we interact with other people in light of the Gospel, we begin to learn that we are no more or no less worthy of God's love than our fellow human beings. We being to understand that we are all children of God. As we work out the implications of the Gospel in our everyday lives we learn to appreciate how far love must go beyond what is expected.

What did I choose? I chose to turn the other cheek. To rise above my primordial self and seek the light of God. To trust in God and and continue to whittle away at my need to be right, the need to dominate. I meditated and powerfully chose to forgive and love.

In the meantime I seek to know God, know myself, and know my neighbor. . . and continue being . . . just being.

Stop it! Do it!

2005-05-27T03:30:00.000-07:00

What are you doing with your life? I mean really, what difference are you going to make today? This is the moment to make a decision. Stop playing games. Stop thinking that tomorrow is the day you will make a difference. Because tomorrow comes and you don't act, you don't move, you sit in front of the computer, the TV, and get "stoned" on supposed reality TV.

I think that for a lot of people life is a narcotic that lulls you into a dazed existence. Numbly going from sleep to shower, to car, to work, to home, to xbox, to tv, to computer and to sleep. Of course there are a few moments during any given week that you truly feel connected. Maybe your favorite team wins the big game or your loved one truly touches you, or you somehow make a difference in someone's life. But generally the way our life is constructed in this day an age we do our best to not feel. We are stunned by the way our "adult" life has turned out. You know that feeling, "Is that all there is?"

What was the best time in your life? Was it when you were a kid with nothing to do but play and eat, taken care of by a loving family; was it in High School when you had oh so many friends and life came easy and you were the star of the photo club, the football team, the art club or some other place that helped identify who you are today. Was it when you got your first car, first girl, first house first first first..... I know that I often live in the thought that life will get better when I get . . . when I become . . . when when when when. All of this thinking is no good for me. It causes my very being to be present in a future that hasn't even happened yet. Not only that, it makes me look at my life now and not be happy and look for that happiness when and if I get that car, that house, that wife. It doesn't work for me anymore. I live in the moment and when I live into my future I do so with a goal, or a possibility in mind. Such as, I live in the possibility of being courageously self-expressed and a leader in action now. So living in that possibility I create my future from that.

on another note:

I love to look into my beloveds eyes. They so much reflect how I feel about myself, my family and my world. Truly, reality is mirrored in the perceptions of the people around you. How could that possibly be?
When you go inside your head, you know, the place where you constantly have a voice whispering, usually yelling, about the many things you still need to do or the many things that you have done wrong. That place is reflective of your skewed perceptions. The perceptions that you are always right, and they are always wrong. Or, that you can never be good enough; or that you will never make a difference; or that you will never be lovable. That voice indulges your fantasies and your fears. It's all misperceptions.

When you look out into the world you are seeing a reflection of everything that makes up who you are. Not only that but it also more accurately reflects who you are and how you affect the world. It's through your speaking that you affect those perceptions and that reality. So find your voice, speak up and speak out. Declare what you believe in, and call forth a new and more powerful reality. You are incredible! There is so much more to think, feel and do. So just do it!

The Ever Present Moment

2005-04-25T03:19:00.000-07:00

My lovely wife was away for the weekend so I spent the entire weekend with my Son and relearned the wonder and majesty of creation.

We played in the yard and I saw the beauty of a dandelion, the delight in sending it's seeds soaring through the air with a puff of air. I rediscovered the joy of flying through the air on a swing and relishing in a push that both scares and delights.

As we walked around the town my son reached his hand out to hold mine. There is nothing that approaches the feeling of holding a loved ones hand. The security in it, the trust, the feeling that all is right with the world. My son looked up and said, "you like holding my hand Dad, don't you?" I replied, "Eli, I can think of nothing I'd rather be doing than holding your hand on this beautiful day."

I was recently reading a book on meditation and prayer and what became evident is that in meditative prayer the idea is to quiet the mind and get in touch with the holy spirit. What also has become evident to me is that my entire life can be treated as a meditation. Walking, weeding, doing the dishes, mowing the lawn and yes, holding someones hand. I relish being present in the moment. To set aside the worries, the need to be right, the need to dominate or avoid domination. I've spent an inordinate amount of time worrying, being afraid, fighting, being angry, being depressed and it all comes down to one thing; not being in the moment. When I'm present in the moment, that's all there is. If I'm talking to you, that's what I'm doing, If I'm breathing, I'm breathing. If I'm with my Son, I'm not thinking about work or that I should be mowing the lawn, I'm with my Son.

As we snuggled on the couch watching The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, Eli looked up at me and said, "Dad, I love you." I said, "I love you to buddy." He went on saying, "Do you know why I love you?", "No Eli, why do you love me?" I replied.
he looked at me with and impish grin and said, "Because you let me have sugary things." I laughed, he laughed, and we snuggled down deeper in the couch enjoying our popsicles, and enjoying the ever present moment.

You May Die Today

2005-03-22T14:19:00.000-08:00

In the big picture, what's it really matter?" I heard that comment in the barbershop today and it got me wondering. What does it all matter? The man who posited that question was talking about the Jayhawks loss in the first round of the NCAA Basketball tournament but I want to take it further. . .
"

Does what we do here mean much . . . Do we really make that much a difference in the big picture. Does whether we win or lose the big game really mount to much? I mean, we are alive for such a blip of time. Think of it. How many people are leaving this plane of existence right now . . .and now. You no longer have property, you no longer walk the streets of your town, your favorite restaurant isn't yours anymore . . . people will cry at your passing, maybe even erect a monument or street sign but what did that life, your life, my life really accomplish?

If you were especially blessed you married and had children. If you ask me that is partly what the meaning of life is. Children have the amazing capacity to mirror our faults and our strong points. They come in to this world ready to work on themselves and they attack it with vigor. They are incredible at creating life, at imagining life, at causing life. But sometimes life beats us down and we lose that vigor. We become paralyzed with fear, we hesitate to hurt, to feel, to stumble . . .

What does our life matter in the big picture? I believe without a doubt that there is life after death. But I know I came here to learn, to grow, to change my focus, my karma, my breath, my brain's firings, the thing that makes me me, and keeps me from being me. I need to find my source . . . my binary code, my God.

Why?

because . . .

You may die today. . . live life for God's sake . . .

You may die today . . . what would you want read about you in the paper? . . .

You may die today . . . . what haven't you done that you want to do?

You may die today . . . What haven't you forgiven that needs forgiving and what haven't you apologized for that needs apologizing . . .

You may die today . . . Thank God for all your many blessings and give thanks for life because . . .

You may die today.

So never stop the inquiry, never stop the quest to be better, to learn more . . . to find God.

In thy wind - in Thy light-
How insignificant is everything else,
how small are we - and how happy in that which alone is great.

Dag Hammerskjold

A single point in time

2005-03-10T07:46:00.000-08:00

What do we an encounter with the divine? The person who even for an instant is in touch with that pure timeless state that Buddhists call nirvana. It is the I AM, Saint Augustine called it "That Which Is"; Saint Bernard, "the Energetic Word", Hegel called it "Absolute Spirit", The Atman, Yahwah, Allah, Jehovah, Krishna, Vishnu, Buddha, Christ and the Holy Spirit. It is called Enlightenment, it is my Awakening. I am beginning to wake from lifetimes of slumber. Distractions abound but I pound on the walls of my skin, aching to get out. I hold, hold, hold it back, stemming the tide, the flood, the deluge of love, possibility, the spark that is within me, burning to infinite nothingness. aching for a wisp of wind to fan it's all, its nothing, knowing that once burning it is unquenchable.

The Big Meeting

2005-02-13T07:44:00.000-08:00

The day was Thursday, the time 10am. This was the day we'd scheduled to meet our banker.

Actually when I phoned her I was looking for a date the following week but she said, "how about tomorrow?" Whoa! I thought, but my lips said, "That sounds great. And here is why we need to meet with you . . ." I filled in the information that I talked about in the previous post and ended with . "we just want to get in integrity on our loan with you." She said " ok, that's great, I'll see you tomorrow!" I cultured my inward smile and peace as I hung up the phone to call Tricia that we were meeting with the banker tomorrow! What I didn't say was that we could lose our house. But she already knew that . . .

Tricia was as shocked as I that the meeting was for the very next day. But there was no doubt that we were creating our future financial and spiritual integrity with this first step.

I did some research and found all the worst case scenarios of what could happen to us: House taken away, Loan declared due, Jail time! But strange as it seems I was in a blissful state of serenity. I realized we could lose our house and God forbid get jail time but I knew this was the path God intended we take. Best case is that we'd have to refigure our loan at a higher interest rate. Or maybe something else that we weren't prepared for.

Now realize that this was all due to a really small amount of money Tricia made from childcare. But it was a lie and one we had to clean up. It was almost as if God was giving me peace for our decision.

So come Thursday morning, I drove our son to daycare, kissed him goodbye, and set out toward work for an hour of editing.

I met Tricia downtown, she was having coffee with a friend, and we caravanned to the bank. As she followed me in the van I called her on the phone to let her know how much I love her and that this was no big deal, that God only gives you things that you can handle, and that this is something we can easily deal with. I was really at peace and filled with the sense that Tricia and I were on a higher path and one that furthered our incredible love and partnership.

In meeting with our banker there was an immediate sense of peace. Our banker was very disarming and made us feel comfortable. I started us off in conversation, as Tricia was afraid she'd start crying. I spoke about the discrepancy in our loan application, that we'd filed an amended tax return for the year we applied for the loan and that we wanted to get back in integrity. Long story short, our banker absolved us saying that the amount in question was not enough to throw us out of the program and that all was good. She said that she really appreciated that we disclosed the info and that was it. All the fear and weight of being out of Integrity gone. We were free. We left the bank filled with love for each other and full of the love of God.

Money or Integrity?

2005-02-09T02:39:00.000-08:00

I'm scared. It's one of the hardest decisions I've made. But now that I've decided I'm free.

Two years ago, in order to buy a house, my wife and I fudged a little bit on our statement of income. There was some extra under the table income that we didn't report in order to qualify for a first time home owners program. It wasn't a huge amount, money made from childcare, but suffice it to say we were doing whatever it took to get in to a house. In our market the prices are incredibly high and this particular house rose magically out of the myriad of others as "our house." We had to have it.

Now, two years later,incredible feelings of guilt, sadness and lack of integrity rocked my wife's world. She contacted an accountant and got the ball moving to file an amended tax return for said year. The next step was a personal choice for Tricia and I and we needed to talk about it. We had to decide whether to come clean with our banker and ultimately with God.

In a serious but centered conversation, Tricia said she really felt moved to, no matter the consequences, to approach the bank and clean up our mistatement. I immediately rose to our defense and tried to convince, cajole and guilt her in to not doing this. I was so afraid we'd lose our house and that we'd be renting again. Deep down inside me I was feeling out of integrity as well and I knew this wasn't in allignment with my path toward God, but I thought for a few agonizing minutes that I could live with it. My wife sat there, tears rolling down her face, racked with guilt wanting to do the right thing. And here I was doing everything to convince her not to take the higher path. As if a light turned on I heard a voice saying, "it is the higher path." I was overwhelmed with love and all that is right in the world, I said out loud, "It is the higher path Tricia. I'm sorry I've been trying to convince you otherwise." There was no doubt.

The higher path. What is that? How do you know what the higher path is. That's easy. If there's one iota of doubt, fear, hesitation that what you're going to do, or what you have done isn't right, the opposite is the higher path. The higher path furthers you as a person and furthers your soul. It's not neccesarily the easier path. Hardly. As in this case the higher path sent me into apoplectic fear.
I was operating from the Ego the Id, absolute survival. As soon as I shifted in to the higher path I felt absolved, washed clean and at peace.

Now it's time to contact our banker! I am ready.

What does it all mean?

2005-02-06T07:28:00.000-08:00

I've been contemplating my shortening time here on our great blue marble. I look at what I've done and what I haven't done and I'm not satisfied. Don't get me wrong, I have incredible experiences, a family I love more than anything, great relationships, a job that fulfulls me, I've climbed mountains, canoed peaceful rivers, dove on the reefs of Honduras and Belize . . . but . . . Is that all there is? When I honestly look at the sum of my life it comes up short. So just what am I looking for?

I've really started down the path I was on in my youth and 20s. That path was focused on the spirtual quest to know self and know God.

Do you know how getting back on that path feels? Have you ever gone back to some old stomping grounds?; A place from your childhood or college days that you loved but thats been off the radar of your life. You go back and easily slide into the familiar groove. It's not solid or absolute, it feels kinda dreamlike, but you know your way. Well, that's how I feel getting back on the path of spirituality. My meditations have quickly gotten deeper, my thought processes have become more and more peaceful and God centered. The touch of God in my life has become more easily apparent. I'm more frequently at peace.

For me, this is what life is all about. This is what it means.

This is the quest that we all yearn for but it's so easy to get sidetracked. Pressures to succeed and pressures to get connected, buy a car, get a house, have kids. I've always been looking for the next thing. I thought if only I had a ___________, life would be perfect. But I'd get that thing and life was the same! And I'd desperately search for that next thing whatever it was. I was like a hamster on a wheel. Always running in the same place not realizing I was going nowhere. Then one day I had the realization that we are exactly where we are supposed to be! There is nowhere to go but here. There is nowhere to look but inward. We have everything we need in life within.

The time to open my eyes is now. The time to make a difference in life is now. The time to serve others and God is in the ever present now.

Morning Constitutional

2005-02-04T07:29:00.000-08:00

I began my morning gift to myself. That is to do daily yoga and meditation. I've been easing back in to the routine of meditation for the last several weeks and my soul and spirit have been loving it. However my body was crying out for attention so I've answered the plea. I stretched and did yoga for 20 minutes and am planning on working up to 45 minutes per day. Even the small amount I did this morning has made the creaks and groans go away.

My plan is to get my body back in to some sort of shape and begin taking formal yoga classes. I will begin taking Iyengar yoga classes in April. I can hardly wait.

Your Sacred Life

2005-01-31T03:01:00.000-08:00

Abraham Maslow said, "The great lesson is that the sacred is in the ordinary, that it is to be found in one's daily life, in one's neighbor's, friends, and family, in one's back yard."

I don't know about you but I often look to find things sacred to appear like an especially holy soul, a quiet meadow with golden sunlight, a church filled with clouds of incense, a meditating monk, a once in a lifetime feeling of oneness with God. But we are hardly ever in the perfect space, mentally or physically. Life has a way of wearing us down, the daily grind. I've started to know and appreciate the holiness, the sacred in my day to day existence.

I woke up the other night to the sound of my son calling out in fear, caused by a bad dream. I groaned as I got up and padded cross the carpet of my bedroom, trying to proceed quietly so as not to disturb my sleeping loved one. As I entered my son's room his figure rose from the middle of a tangle of blankets and his arms reached out to me as he said, "hold me Dad!" At that moment I was struck with an explosion of love and a sense of oneness with the world. This exquisite being, my son, was allowing me to be the one to calm his fears, the one to hold his hand, the one to make a difference. What a responsibility, what an honor.

When I truly stop and let down the walls of fear, the years of accumulated stress, the thoughts that I'll never be who I want to be, or I'll never have what I think I need to have, I begin to appreciate the gift I've been given. The gift is the experience of life. The gift is seeing the actions of God in others, seeing the eyes of God in others. When I'm centered and contemplative I see God in the littliest of things.

"Thank you Dad," my son said to me, and he nestled down in his blankets holding his Panda bear in a warm embrace. I kissed him gently on the head and he was fast asleep. As I made my way back to bed, joining the warm curve of my love, I thanked God for the many blessings in my life. I am surrounded by the sacred.

You Are Powerful

2005-01-26T06:59:00.000-08:00

A quick realization . . . You are in absolute control over how you feel. If you feel tired, put upon, depressed because of something in life that you feel you have no control over . . . Just choose it! I'm serious. If you look at a lot of things in life that you complain about, relationships, money, jobs etc., if you simply own the fact that it's yours and you chose it, the complaint goes away.

I have an aspect of my job that I wrote about in a previous blog that until recently has driven me crazy. It's doing the early morning weathercast at the station. For about 2 1/2 hours I do the same thing over and over and over again. It's like the movie Groundhog Day. Each day was dragging and I was bored. It turned around when I chose it! I simply accepted that it's a part of my awesome job, and that I was in control of my life and this was a part of my life that I choose fully. I now have a blast with it. I banter with our meteorologist during breaks and otherwise entertain myself, challenge myself, and I find the job I do is more fun. I also am doing a better job at it.

So choose what you do! And what you don't choose? Choose to change it!

Is it safe to eat beef anymore?

2005-01-20T11:46:00.000-08:00

I used to love a good slice of roast beef, a tasty steak or a juicy hamburger. But about a year ago I watched a video of how cows are slaughtered and processed and my wife Tricia and I decided enough is enough. We torture our cows to death and they are processed in horrible, potentially disease ridden places. It is only a matter of years before people start showing signs of mad cow. I think the danger is upon us already. I just came accross an article that pretty much states the case for why I don't eat beef, or most any meat for that matter, for health and ethical reasons.

Also, as a society we spend way too much money raising cattle to supply the ridiculous notion that we need the protein that meat supplies to survive. It doesn't take much sustenance for us as a species to survive in a healthy manner. We eat way too much, the portions are huge and our body is sloughing off most of what we shove in. Frankly it's disgusting.

Here are some statistics I found to think about.

Number of people worldwide who will die as a result of malnutrition this year: 20 million.

Number of people who could be adequately fed using land freed if Americans reduced
their intake of meat by 10%: 100 million.

Percentage of corn grown in the U.S. eaten by livestock: 80.

Percentage of oats grown in the U.S. eaten by livestock: 95.

How frequently a child dies as a result of malnutrition: every 2.3 seconds.

Pounds of potatoes that can be grown on an acre: 40,000.

Pounds of beef produced on an acre: 250.

Percentage of U.S. farmland devoted to beef production: 56.

Pounds of grain and soybeans needed to produce a pound of beef: 16.

What good is meat for the body? ZERO! Contrary to popular belief, meat is not the type of protein that the body needs or utilizes.

So, why would you eat meat? There can only be one possible reason left to eat meat, and that would be taste! Let me ask you this question! In a world that is so rampid with disease and where one in every three people will get cancer, why would you want to eat something just for the taste when it can do your body not much good at all, and in fact will do more harm then good? For me the answer is simple!
"I don't!"

Think about cutting down the amount of meat you eat. Think about not eating beef at all anymore. It may just save your life.

The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. -- Mohandas Gandhi

Get in the Game of Life!

2005-01-13T07:04:00.000-08:00

Something I've been dwelling on for awhile, actually struggling with, is the disparity of living conditions in the world.

I was sitting down to breakfast not long ago with my wife and came across an article about Rwanda and the horrible ethnic genocide that's continuing there. I was just overwhelmed with a sense of grief and horror. How could that be happening on the planet while I'm sitting warm and safe in my kitchen eating a bagel with cream cheese? I was really struck with the overwhelming thought that until I accept the fact that on some level I'm just as responsible for the genocide as the person with the gun or machete it will always be. Until I own that horrible part of myself and humanity it's going to continue. Until I take steps to further myself, my neighbor, my community, it will always happen.

Martin Luther King said, "I cannot be who I ought to be until you are who you ought to be." How true. What a monumental statement. He was a person who shifted his focus of life from I to ALL. He lived his life out of possibility. The possibility that all humankind could be equal. So he made declarations that called him forth into action. He made declarations that transcended who his past declared him to be. He created possibilities that literally gave him the steps he needed to take in life to make those possibilites real. Those possibilites were too big and too threatening for some so he was killed.

So the challenge I'm taking on is to be courageous in life. To make declarations so bold that I am called forth to be so much bigger than myself. I'm going to use the time I have left on this planet to make a difference: with my son, with my wife, with my friends, with my community, country and world. I will be in action everyday to end war, end genocide, and help make our planet heaven on earth.

To sit idly by and watch TV, read the paper and comment offhandedly how terrible it all is, is to do nothing. We are so tempted to view it as a movie, a car wreck, with fascination and maybe a little sympathy. We need to own each others humanity. We need to realize that we are all one of the same family. My heart and soul breaks for the families lost, seperated and broken from the tsunami. I pray everyday for them, for us and for me. For we are all one.

Worldwide Changes About to Occur?

2005-01-10T02:34:00.000-08:00

Here I am, It's 4:30am and I am sitting, waiting to punch us on air, direct and assist the morning meteorologist to dispense weather info to the masses of Lawrence and surrounding communities. I have the routine down pat, I do it with purpose but in a rote sort of way. It's a part of my job that I don't relish but it is a neccesity for the station and one us 5 directors all share. But setting here doing this with so much else going on in the world is difficult for me. How to not be overwhelmed at the changes, the happenings, the injustices and the suffering?

The war, the tsunami, the flooding in Europe, the flooding in California, the ice shelf's increasing self annihalation, the slowing of the oceans' currents, the individual atrocities that bombard us every single day on the airwaves. They seem to be coming to a head. The earth is starting to fight back at our disregard. God is starting to teach us in bigger and bigger ways.

I've always been one to listen to the messages God sends me. Or at least be aware of the fact that God can and does talk to us in little ways. When one is open to it you start to notice some sort of guidance, nudges and sometimes pushes to go in a certain direction. I've always shared with friends that sometimes when God is trying to teach you a specific thing you'll start to notice a repeated pattern, happening or thought that occurs over and over and over until you finally get it. When you don't get it God sometimes deals you a haymaker upside the head. This might appear as a car wreck, a blown knee, a broken marriage or the death of a loved one. I'm not saying God does these things to us, or others willy nilly without our acceptance. All of us on always agree on what happens to us. We create our own reality and our soul always . . . ALWAYS knows best. It is through the soul that God talks to us and guides us in ways miraculous.

What does all this have to do with what is going on in the world right now? Everything! God is dealing us all a haymaker! We have all agreed on a mass, worldwide scale to have the craziness, horror, terrifying conditions rain down on us. We have crossed a threshold that we'll be hard pressed to back away from. Are you ready?

I've Got A Best Friend Back!

2004-12-20T04:18:00.000-08:00

Saturday I swallowed misplaced pride, jealousy and all round silliness and made a call that has freed up my clogged spirit.

One of My best friends in life has not truly been a part of my life for the last 10 years. Whoah! Just putting that in words is so hard to believe. You see Rich and I are friends that have gone through journies of being that create bonds at many different levels.

We were roomates in a house of 5 guys while going to school. During that time 3 of us delved into what the nature of reality was, who was God and just what the Hell is the meaning of life. I remember hours spent on our back porch shelling peanuts, drinking beer and engaging in awesome discourse. We even went so far as to try an alternate sleep schedule to stimulate our spiritual creativity. We'd get up 3 or 4 hours after going to bed, study, eat, talk and then sleep for a few more hours. Simply put we would sleep 3 times in a 24 hour time period. It absolutly stimulated dreams but wasn't the best for making sure I got to my 7:30am class on time.
As I recalled it lasted about 1 month.

Another venture we had was to develop our ability to control our dreams and achieve frequent lucid dreaming states. This was very succesful but what it really did was pave the way for Out of Body Experiences, OBEs for short. We had incredible journies, altered states and spiritual epiphanies.

Another incredible shared eperience was with several of the courses offered by Landmark Education. These were courses that revolved around what it means to be human. The study of Ontology. They were incredible ventures that pushed me to the limits. I never have been more fulfilled, I never have been so scared. They truly have allowed me to create incredible possibities. But it all ended when Rich left town. I had some strange kind of shift go on, and as always happened in my life when someone left town, I slowly withdrew communication. In short, I've had an incredible breakthrough as to why I do this and I'll write more on this in a future blog. But it's been a couple of weeks since I started writing and need to post this blog.

I called Rich and in over an hour and a half conversation made peace, caught up, and forged a new friendship. He's an amazing human being on an amazing journey of self discovery and a journey toward God.

Peace

Neil

Authentic Ramblings

2004-12-18T13:32:00.000-08:00

What the Bleep

I saw a movie not to long ago that got me wondering about reality. Does what we see, hear, feel and experience have any basis in reality or is it all experiential? The movie was called What the Bleep Do We Know?

It posited that our thoughts and feelings about ourselves, our environment and the people around us were shaped and affected at the quantum level. For instance, my turning 40 a couple years back seemed to start a cascade of ailments. A bad knee, migraines, etc. When I really took a look at my belief system surrounding the fact that I turned 40, some of the hidden conversations in my head surprised me. I was actually telling myself that it was time to stop taking risks physically as my body was getting old, easily broken and weak. As soon as I recognized those thought patterns (aided by my incredibly loving and powerful wife Tricia) I stopped having all the symptoms, stopped taking all the medications and have lost 30 pounds. How's that for perceptions and internal conversations affecting reality!

I really believe, and as you can see, have experienced that as human beings, we have enormous power that has been untapped. Being able to develop that through awareness is part of the attraction of this inward focus. Just by thinking about it, we can make changes. The more we become aware of our life shaping ability, the more we see, acknowledge and accept those changes. It becomes a steamroller in the sense that our reality positively feeds back a response.

Our very words and thoughts move nature to respond in kind. Say a kind word . . . if only to yourself.

The Possibilites Are Endless!!

2004-12-16T03:38:00.000-08:00

I've been contemplating starting a blog for several years now but have been somewhat hesitant to do so. I've gone through several rationales both pro and con. I won't detail my thought process but suffice it to say that each and everyone of us has something to say and what we say makes a difference in life with people.

It's only through speaking that we touch the fabric of our world. Truly, by speaking we set in motion the ability to create our reality, the ability to affect our universe and the charge to make a difference in the world. This blog will be a reflection of my speaking in the world. It will reflect the ownership of my voice, my power and my responsibility in the world. One of the possibilities I am in life is the possiblity of love in action through communication. I thank you for giving me the space and the honor of your listening.

Neil