Long Time No Post!

You know, I kind of forgot I had this blog.  I used to write in it while I worked the early morning weather shows at Channel 6.  I would write between weather updates.  And then, I became the production manager at the station and got off of that duty.  Hence, I got out of the habit of posting to this blog.

So, I'm here to say that it shall begin again!

I currently work at the University, which came about this past June.  I loved what I did at the station but the hours were long and varied and I wanted something a little more 8-5 with no weekends.  What I'd previously had was 8 to 6:30 m-f, some weekends and basically 24/7 on call for engineering problems.  Not very conducive to family, friends and life outside of work.  Now that's all changed!  I do miss my channel 6 crew very much, and the challenge of solving technical problems, but I don't miss the hours.

I got married in September!  Stephanie is an amazing woman who I'm blessed to be walking through life with!

I'll be writing about our life together with our awesome kids in the future.  For now, its back to work for me.

Spring is in the air

Don't you just love the smell of the earth as it warms?

The loamy scent, stimulated by Spring rains, heated by the sun,
release delicate molecules that tickle the senses.

Flowers such as pansies, crocuses, daffodils and such release
their bouquets through breezes to float gossamer like in the air.

Detritus of last fall's leaves, decay and release odors, reminiscent
of years gone by, walking the shortcut through heavy woods.

And as rains fall yet again, hitting warm pavement, cleansing
streets of winter's sand, rushing rushing down culverts to the Kaw.

Spring's scents burn eternal year after year. Oh I love it so.

Happy Valentines day

Today is cool and blustery, and it feels like my love of life feels. Full of clarity, focus and sense of purpose.

What is love? When I went out to get the paper this morning, I saw a woman walking two happy, eager dogs. They sniffed and rushed, their eyes glittering with excitement as their pack progressed through the mysterious world. They brought ideas and instincts to their life together that were utterly different from hers, but their feelings for her, and hers for them, were the same. I have a friend who has a dog. They have been together for many years, and even though they are entirely different creatures, she (the dog) displays feelings, jealousies and joys that are familiar between any two lovers.

A friend of mine often says that all we take with us when we go is our love, that everything else slips away and is forgotten. I think that love is the same among all creatures, that it is the hidden essence of reality itself, and that everything that does not contain it is a sort of illusion. Love is reality.

Something like that inspires great love, because you know that you must find her needs just as she will certainly find yours. Otherwise, her love would be alone, and love like that must not be alone, it deserves the best you can bring and, believe me, you want to bring it.

This is such a mysterious journey we are taking. What is love? What is loss? Certainly, it is part of love, part of the lavish richness of being that God has granted us.

I like to let my gratitude float free, to let it belong to all of life and all the world. And when I do that, I realize something. I am still falling in love. I will always be what I was at the first moment I laid eyes on my first pet, my first love,my only son, a person just beginning, his heart full of the wonder of the mystery.

Now I bring to mind those who gave me their love and accepted mine and have gone on, and those around me who are just beginning, the children in my life. I invoke my gratitude for those who put up with me and give their time and thought to the mysteries we are all struggling with together.

Happy Valentine's Day, my friends.

Happiness is a Journey

I was running up the trail feverishly determined. I had to get to the top of the mountain. I was slapped time and again in the face by branches trying to waylay me, slow me down but I pressed on. It was there at the top, I knew it was. The pine scented trail did not distract me, the cold rushing stream was forded effortlessly, it was at the top and I needed it and I wouldn't be distracted. I got to the top, breathless, panicked, in total fear of having lost what I was looking for. All that was there was an old man laughing at me and telling me to go back and walk this time. (A recent dream)

Getting that first car, first big job, first girlfriend, first child, first, first, first. It all has been fun but I get more and more that the fun is in what it takes to get there and not the getting. When my focus lies outside of the journey and is targeted on the acquisition of something, then the journey is diminished or more accurately put, obscured. The journey is still full of lessons, joy, pain, and teachings but with the eye on the prize its importance becomes secondary.

I really believe that all around us, every single day, the journey is teaching us and we are adding to the teaching of others. That teaching is happiness, it is love and sometimes pain. I can think back on all the moments of my life I was centered in the journey and that is when I was happiest, that is when I knew I was on the path to growth. When you are centered in the moment of the journey, squeezing out all the wonder it imparts, then life becomes crystal clear.

Life isn't full of obstacles blocking the way to the real thing. The obstacles are your life and part of your journey and something that should be embraced and considered. Like the branches in my dream they are often telling you to slow down and look around you, take in all that this life is teaching you.

The journeys in life that have moved me the most, touched me, made me grow, have always been with people. A deep conversation, a warmly held hand, an obstacle surmounted with a friends help, even a simple smile from a stranger, have all changed me deeply as a person. Thanks for being a part of each others journey. May our paths cross often.

25 things about me

I recently filled out the 25 Things about me meme on Facebook. Here's what I came up with.

1. An older friend of mine got me my first fake ID. It was an ID for an Art College in Boston. I looked like I was 14 on the ID but a liquor store a couple towns over didn't care. I was 16, I thought I was a stud.

2. I got carded on a first date. Problem was I was 25 and we were going in to an R rated movie. The movie was 9 1/2 weeks. I didn't get a second date. I definitely wasn't a stud.

3. The best thing that has ever happened to me is being blessed to be in life with my incredible son Eli

4. I went to Michael Jordan’s house in Chicago and was part of a crew interviewing him for a recruiting video. He was awesome and let us stay awhile afterward and talk/tour his house.

5. I absolutely love to cook but sometimes a can of cold spaghettios will do.

6. I once almost drowned in the ocean as a kid and was saved by a woman I didn’t really know.

7. I lost my nerve to play trumpet when I failed a tryout for Jazz Band in High School. The song still reverberates in my head sometimes. It was Stevie Wonder’s My Cheri Amore.

8. I rode the perfect wave on a boogie board, in the fog off of Nauset beach on Cape Cod. The distance I rode was close to 100 yards. What was inspiring about it was the visibility was about 50ft in the fog and I glided through the fog on this awesome wave and suddenly the shore appears with my vacationing family and friends unaware of what just happened.

9. I secretly love when technology goes awry because I love the challenge of making things right again.

10. I have a few select friends who I allow to call me Neilsy.

11. The first concert I went to was Linda Ronstadt. I had a vanload of friends whom I almost killed on the way home.

12. Bob Hope once gave me a wink and a finger point.

13. I used to make money during college as a magician. I was giving this one show to a group of 8 year old kids and my grand finale illusion messed up and I said shit. I chose to never do a paid gig again, I felt so bad. However, I’ll show you a few tricks if you give me a beer or two.

14. I love to camp and sleep under the stars by a fire in cold weather.

15. One of my favorite shows that I produced was about a missile silo that had been converted into a home. It cost $20 million to build in the early 60s but was purchased in the late 80s for $45,000. It was only in operation for 2 years. That's the government for ya!

16. I accepted an award on C-span once and had the temerity to use proliferation in my speech.

17. I think I love working on my Son’s Pinewood Derby car more than he does. I’m still a kid at heart.

18. If I had to choose a career all over again I’d be a Meteorologist.

19. I am outwardly in love with my IPhone

20. I have traveled out of body many times. I do not fear death because of this.

21. I believe life is just a game we play to confront the things we are unwilling to look at.

22. I’ve never been more at peace in this lifetime than when I’m sailing in a stiff breeze.

23. I’m a really good listener. People tell me they like me for this.

24. I am a fan of all things Google but secretly fear they have inched ahead of Microsoft, vying for the position of Global Digital Overlord.

25. I used to produce the University of Kansas Football / Basketball shows. I went to virtually every game from 1982 to 1990. I’d rather watch it at home now in HD.

An old soul in a new body

Sometimes life just happens and we're not ready for the downpour
Sometimes pain rises up from the depths of the soul, discharging lives of agony.
When the glass shatters and hits the floor best watch for the shards cause they're many.

Cause this soul is an old soul, this soul is an old soul in a new body. But this body feels old
sometimes cause it's carrying many loads.

Taking on the pain, taking on the challenge, cause I didn't listen to you soul, I didn't listen yet again. To learn the same thing over and over, to fail over and over, to need the slap over and over till I get what you want to tell me.

Cause this soul is an old soul, this soul is an old soul in a new body. But this body feels old
sometimes cause it's carrying many loads.


There is no fear, there is no darkness, life happens and love just is. Embrace the fear, open hearts to the setting sun, the moonlit sky, the eyes that shine, the smile that beckons.

I love, I'm loved. I heard you this time soul. :)

The spiritual Divorce

giggle giggle, the following is genius I just happened upon it.

The Seven Spiritual Laws of Divorce
It is important to know that the breakdown of your relationship is for a greater purpose. Understanding some of the basic spiritual laws of the Universe will help you to discover that there is a reason you're going through this pain. These laws will guide you through the process of healing and bring you back to a place deep inside that is filled with wisdom, knowledge, and compassion for the human experience.

1) The Law of Acceptance: The first and possibly the most important spiritual law is that everything is as it should be. Nothing occurs by accident, and there are no coincidences. We are always evolving, whether we are aware of it or not. And our lives are divinely designed for each one of us to get exactly what we need to support our own unique evolutionary process.

2) The Law of Surrender: When we stop resisting and surrender to the situation exactly as it is, things begin to change. Resistance is the number one culprit in denying us our right to heal. We resist out of fear that if we let go, if we surrender, our lives will go out of control or we will be faced with circumstances that we can't handle. When we are willing to look at our situation and admit that we don't know how to fix it, we are ready to get the help we need.

3) The Law of Divine Guidance: God will do for you what you cannot do for yourself. When you get out of your own way and let go of your defenses, you become humble. Humility is the doorway through which the Divine can walk into your life. Without humility, we believe we can do it ourselves. Without humility, our false sense of pride, or ego, prohibits us from seeing the entire situation with clear eyes. Our egos remain in charge until we step outside our righteous belief that we are independent and separate beings. As long as this myth is intact, we keep the door closed to our higher wisdom.

4) The Law of Responsibility: With divine guidance, we can look at exactly how we participated in and co-created our divorce drama. We can begin to take responsibility for our entire situation and make peace with our past. We can see how we have chosen the perfect partner to teach us the perfect lessons. Once we have asked God to come into our lives and guide us, we begin to heal.

5) The Law of Choice: Having taken responsibility, we can choose new interpretations that empower us. We become responsible for and the designer of our own new reality. We can separate from our partner and cut the karmic cords by taking back the aspects of ourselves that we've projected onto our mate. We can distinguish what our self-defeating behaviors have been and learn how to act instead of react in difficult situations.

6) The Law of Forgiveness: After we have cut the karmic cord, we will be able to ask God to forgive us. Asking for forgiveness allows us to let go of our judgments and beliefs about what is right and what is wrong and find compassion for our entire self. Compassion unfolds when we are in the presence of the perfection of the Universe, when we can experience ourselves in another. It comes with the great understanding of the difficulties and ambiguity of being a human being. Compassion is God's grace for those who ask. Once we have received compassion for ourselves, we will be able to find compassion and forgiveness for our mate.

7) The Law of Creation: Experiencing the freedom of forgiveness opens up the gates to new realities. Forgiveness breaks all the cords that keep us tied to the past. It allows us to experience an innocent heart filled with love and excitement for life. This is the time to create a new future, one grounded in your divine truth.

Free will enables us to choose the direction in which we will take our lives. To choose a spiritual divorce is to choose to use your divorce to heal yourself. You can choose to work hard and heal yourself on the deepest level, or you can choose to be a victim of life and other people's problems. In other words, you can choose to use your divorce, or you can let your divorce use you. Until you seek to find and embrace the gift of any situation or problem, it continues to use you. It holds you prisoner, and you carry it around as an open wound wherever you go.

LOVE IT!!!

Reprinted from “Spiritual Divorce: Divorce as a Catalyst for an Extraordinary Life” (Harper San Francisco, 2001)

Divine intervention

A big lesson learned today.

"Divine detachment is when the lower self steps away from the drama it has created and allows the higher self to observe and comment upon it, clearly and without emotion; honestly and without hesitation; completely and without reservation"

"You will know when this process is working for you because there will be no negativity, no judgment, no anger, no shame, no guilt, no fear, no recrimination or sense of being made wrong-just a simple statement of what is SO. And that statement may be very illuminating"

Wow,

Those quotes came from Neale Donald Walsh in Conversations with God. Today the portal to my higher self is once again thrown wide. Inspiration comes from everything when you are open to receiving it. Today at the incredible church I attend the message in meditation, in music and in the "sermon" spoke deeply to me. My interpretation of it was to embrace the unknown and trust in God.

I know this deeply, but the wounds I created on my heart cut deeply and had me wallow in self pity and anger. She is easily to blame for stepping outside our bond of trust but so am I for creating the conditions to foment the actions. Neither of us is right. There really, in the big picture, is no right and wrong in such a situation. It's all an opportunity for the growth of the soul. I've been operating from the Id, my base human response.

Today because of sparks of divine inspiration in human form I could see and feel and touch my humanity, accept it and reembrace my divine self. Thank you all that is, thanks to all you angels on earth. Love ya all :)

Neil