Today was a day that was coming for awhile but it still hurts. We had to put our cat Stevie to sleep today. Her body wasn't working anymore, she was fifteen, tired and was really ready to let go. She fought and stayed with us for an extra couple weeks. She bonded even more with our Son Eli, sleeping in his bed, laying in his lap. She said goodbye to each of us in her own special way. I wouldn't trade the last couple weeks with her for anything. I feel as if this was a signpost for the day. I feel so unsettled, like something huge is happening, or soon to happen and I'm not privy to it.
My life is flying by and I feel a passenger on the rockettrain, staring out the window as houses pass and junkyards and children in diapers and lovers in tight embrace on city brownstones. I watch and wait, afraid to act, afraid my motion of words will be lacking. Better to sit and nod, to listen, to get what is said. I work oh so hard to please but it's not enough. I wonder, am I not enough . . . I think I am enough and that unrealistic expectations get in the way in moments of life change.
To enter in to the world of mystery, the world of growth, the realm of the unknown you need to dwell in the discomfort of life. You need pain and you need suffering or you are not playing the game big enough. If life is always cozy and there is no fear, no bliss, no shame, no adulation you are just playing it safe. Life is too too precious to play it safe. Get in to the rough waters, climb that mountain, get on the court of life and play the game.
The game is up to you. Do you like the game you've been playing? If not change the game, make up new rules and win. All life is, is a fulfillment machine. Have it fulfill your dreams.