Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Money or Integrity?

I'm scared. It's one of the hardest decisions I've made. But now that I've decided I'm free.

Two years ago, in order to buy a house, my wife and I fudged a little bit on our statement of income. There was some extra under the table income that we didn't report in order to qualify for a first time home owners program. It wasn't a huge amount, money made from childcare, but suffice it to say we were doing whatever it took to get in to a house. In our market the prices are incredibly high and this particular house rose magically out of the myriad of others as "our house." We had to have it.

Now, two years later,incredible feelings of guilt, sadness and lack of integrity rocked my wife's world. She contacted an accountant and got the ball moving to file an amended tax return for said year. The next step was a personal choice for Tricia and I and we needed to talk about it. We had to decide whether to come clean with our banker and ultimately with God.

In a serious but centered conversation, Tricia said she really felt moved to, no matter the consequences, to approach the bank and clean up our mistatement. I immediately rose to our defense and tried to convince, cajole and guilt her in to not doing this. I was so afraid we'd lose our house and that we'd be renting again. Deep down inside me I was feeling out of integrity as well and I knew this wasn't in allignment with my path toward God, but I thought for a few agonizing minutes that I could live with it. My wife sat there, tears rolling down her face, racked with guilt wanting to do the right thing. And here I was doing everything to convince her not to take the higher path. As if a light turned on I heard a voice saying, "it is the higher path." I was overwhelmed with love and all that is right in the world, I said out loud, "It is the higher path Tricia. I'm sorry I've been trying to convince you otherwise." There was no doubt.

The higher path. What is that? How do you know what the higher path is. That's easy. If there's one iota of doubt, fear, hesitation that what you're going to do, or what you have done isn't right, the opposite is the higher path. The higher path furthers you as a person and furthers your soul. It's not neccesarily the easier path. Hardly. As in this case the higher path sent me into apoplectic fear.
I was operating from the Ego the Id, absolute survival. As soon as I shifted in to the higher path I felt absolved, washed clean and at peace.

Now it's time to contact our banker! I am ready.

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